My renewed ability...

I wrote last time about how I had got to the point of not crying. Well, things have changed. Quite significantly. I am currently in the process of changing medication. It is a painful process and it is hard to know how I am going to get through the next few hours, let alone days or the five weeks it is supposedly going to be before my body settles down. I have hardly had the energy to do anything and don't really have the energy to describe how horrible the last few weeks have been. I shall just say they have been dire. A nightmare. Hideous.

Anyway, one result of all this is that a lot of crying has happened. It is quite nice to be able to cry again but that is, I reckon, about the only good bit in a mound of distress. 

While we are on the subject of tears though... (Soon my eyes will have no secrets left from the world!) Despite the fact that I have (let's just pretend that the last 18 months don't exist) always been quite a crier, one thing that has been unlikely to make me cry is any kind of film or TV program. I have, however, found an exception! BBC's recent three part documentary 'Don't call me crazy' had me in floods. 

The aim of the program was to show what life is like for people who are spending time in a mental health ward for teenagers in Manchester. It was such a well made program and, as I have read many people say, it did an excellent job of not displaying those struggling with mental health issues as a load of nutcases. Instead, we were shown the pain that the patients went through and given an understanding of how their problems were nothing to be ashamed of. I am so glad that finally progress is clearly being made in fighting this stigma attached to mental health. 

I particularly appreciated the way in which Beth, a seventeen year old who struggled with depression and an eating disorder, was often shown appearing very happy as she messed around on the ward. 'Appearing' being the operative word. Yes, there are ups and downs in life and I dare say there are times when she genuinely isn't feeling so bad. However, this was a girl who clearly spent a lot of time in utter despair. It just goes to show that you can't know who is suffering. Mental health problems are everywhere. Do not be fooled! 

I spent this evening with a group of friends. I had seriously considered not going out as I was feeling so miserable but I forced myself onto a bus into town to see them. It was not too bad in the end, as is often the way once I have won the battle to get out of bed. At the end of the evening, one of my friends gave me a lift home. 'I'm glad things are getting better for you', he cheerfully remarked. 'Err...they're not really...' Where did he get that idea from, I wondered. 'Well you were very cheery this evening so you are clearly not too bad at the moment.' Hmm. I can see myself making the same mistake with others but, nevertheless, how wrong he was! I really am not having an easy time at the moment. As I said, don't be fooled!