The Tears Are Gone

All my life, if you had asked someone to describe me, I am pretty certain the frequency with which I cry would have been mentioned. It was an unusual day if I didn't cry. That is until a year ago.

Ah great, you may think! My life must have got better! Except it hasn't, it really hasn't. I don't really understand to be honest. The tears just fizzled out.

In 2011, I was desperately depressed and this involved many tears. Things started to look up for a few weeks after I started taking antidepressants again, early in 2012. But alas, not for long. I cried and cried and cried one night. It was uncontrollable. Everything was dire. How could I go on?

Eventually, the crying stopped and I got to sleep. I think that was the moment. The moment when my depression became tearless. It was no less painful but the tear ducts must have decided they couldn't go on. My brain had dried up, so why not my eyes too?

***

It's all gone wrong

It's all too much

The pain is here

It's eating me up

Without a smile

Life goes on

But who knows where

The tears have gone.

Things are dull

Things are grey

Oh how I wish

They'd go away

But oh no

They carry on

Nevertheless

The tears have gone.

I struggle away

I groan and sigh

My minds too full

I want to cry

But on we go

On and on

No crying as

The tears have gone.